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9/09/2008

An Award and The Aging Man

UPDATE::: IVY got approved for her treatment. She is going to be well. VERONICA DID IT!! 1100 people signed that petition. And the appeal was approved. Well Done Veronica!!

Look!!! An award from the lovely Nan Sheppard of Things I've Found In Pockets.



The last time somebody gave me an award was a real agony - Sophie's Choice, if you will. Five people. Only five people. And now this one. Ten people. Only ten people. I could easily give this award to 5 times that number.
Here are the rules, as stated on Nan's site: Give the award to up to 10 people whose blogs bring you happiness and inspiration and make you feel so happy about blogland! Leave them a comment on their blog to let them know they received this award. Remember that people can be tagged more than once!

I cannot do just ten. I will not do just ten. I haven't figured out exactly what I'm going to do yet, but I'm going to mull this over for a day or two until I can think of some way to do this that makes me happy with having to make choices.

Now, on to something completely different.

I think I've made a discovery - a rather melancholy discovery, but a discovery nonetheless. And it has to do with possibilities. And it has to do with how men age. Mentally. You see, we don't feel much different than we did when we were kids. If it wasn't for the changing face in the mirror, we would never be aware of aging, inside, in our heads. The body knows, but not the mind. Until one day ... one day you see it ... and it comes on you slowly .. but once you see the beginnings of it ... it never leaves you, it just grows. And then you come to the full blown realization .. that there are some things that are over .. important things ... things you never thought about, consciously, until now .. now that they are over.

When a young man sees a woman, a beautiful woman, a desireable woman, a young woman, in his mind he sees himself with her - he sees the possibility of being with her - because it IS possible, all it needs are the right circumstances - the right chain of events and she could be his - and he, hers. But comes a time, when a man comes to know that the young, beautiful women are beyond him, that there is no more possibility, that they will never be his, nor he, their's. They would have no interest in him any longer - other, younger men are their interest - he is beyond them and they beyond him. But, it isn't the fact that he is off the radar of the younger woman. It's the fact that there has been a sea change in his world of possibilities. He's beginning to realize he doesn't matter as much, anymore. He doesn't make the impact that he once did. It is a cold and hard realization. All the confidence and self-esteem that used to be his begins to wane. He begins to understand what lies ahead. He may try to fight it. He may try to delay it. But it WILL overtake him. He will see and begin his descent into aged invisibility. No matter what his life holds for him - no matter what his circumstances, he will always look back, over his shoulder, to what he used to be, and wish for that to come again - knowing it never will.

See? I told you it was melancholy.

Remember, I am taking questions all this week, to be answered on Saturday. All questions will be acknowledged, if not answered directly. And if I cannot or will not answer your question, I'll give you a good reason why.

32 comments:

Jientje said...

There.
You said it.
I will say it.
never say never.
again.
Insert * ( giggles ) ~= allo allo.
I will say this only once~=*

Myst_72 said...

Can I say I know how you feel, not from a personal point of view but a have a male friend going through this at the moment. He has just turned 50. He signed an email to me yesterday SOM (silly old man).

I have questions!
Which I will understand if you can't answer....

Do you find it hard talking/writing about Viet Nam?

Do you think your life would be different if you hadn't gone - and if so in what way?

I have the most enourmous respect and admiration for what (I dread to imagine) you went through Lou - I'm very serious and say this from the bottom of my heart.

G
xx

Shadow said...

late last night, vh1 playing softly in the background, 1 pup on my pillow, 2 more snoring on theirs, hubby and i lay talking in the muted tv light. about memorable moments, his turn, my turn, his turn, my turn. and needless to say, we realised we are getting older, no use fighting the fact. he said very similar things to what you mentioned, the (dare i say male?) thinking is the same. me? i'm petrified of getting old, purely because i don't wanna die!!!! he on the other hand says dying is the last thing he worries about. he said that no matter what, all he wants is to look younger than his age (which he does) and stay young at heart. i wonder if he's being completely honest, or rather, if he's thought it through completely... bottom line, no one wants to get old. but someday, we will all be that old lady or old man we see over there in the shop. darn, it all sounded a lot more upbeat last night. hmmmmm. anyway, i'm just going to live each day, in the day, and not worry about something i cannot change. hey! did becoming a year older bring this on i wonder????? whatever. but what i read from you and see you produce, your thoughts, opinions, questions, everything, leads me to believe you are an attractive, interesting, amusing and caring soul. and that i like, no matter what your age!

calicobebop said...

Cheer up! Men have the ability to father children for their ENTIRE natural lives! In my mind that means there's never an "expiration date" on an man's attractiveness.

Sadly, women have to give up on procreating somewhere in their middle years. All we have to look forward to after that is yelling at kids to get off the lawn. :)

Christy said...

It is worse for women.

But I don't mean to belittle your feelings, I respect like HELL that you wrote them--lots of men/people can't even write about the possibility of becoming socially invisible.

Because women are judged more on their looks, it is worse, though.

So I've had to walk a line, myself, between trying to cling to some of the old me, stay "attractive for my age", LOL, and accept myself as more spiritual being--a realm in which the old are revered.

But yeah....I'm still buying new face creams and sighing....

I love ya, don't feel bad. Lots of people love you, and they don't care about the face in the mirror, they will not be fickle lovers like the young can be....they love you when you fart.

Or get to be an old fart.

Either one.

Employee No. 3699 said...

First, I was glad to hear that little Ivy will be getting her treatment.

Second, I think women feel the same way.

Third, a question for you is: Do any of your family or friends read your blog? If so, what do they think?

Fourth, go off and have yourself a nice day~

www.ayewonder.com said...

Geez, Lou. I don't need to know that...yet.

Myst_72 said...

Oh gee Lou you removed 'Patrick's' comments.....and I was only half way thru them - I had to take a break my eyes were bleeding!!!
*ahem*

G
xx

Loraine said...

I'm with Christy- women feel it much more. We're not just judged by our looks- the world treats them as if they're all we are good for. And when they're gone, we're shoved to the back of everyone's consciousness like a cute little kitten that turned into a neglectable old cat.

Questions? How do YOU feel about the Large Hadron Collider machine thing? Will it toss the Earth out of orbit??

MRMacrum said...

Life is nothing but a series of realizations right out of the gate. I imagine the last one will be the killer.

Facing the realizations seems to be the hard part.

As someone who is not yet over the hill but thinks he can now see the crest, I try to not dwell too much in my past. It is becoming harder to avoid than ever before. Your post hits this feeling right on the head.

It is odd though. The other day I was considering this very thing you write about here. In a moment of waxing nostaligic, I fantasized about how interesting it would be to write my biography. Not for the masses who would surely love it, but for me. A lengthy look at what I had done with the time so graciously bestowed on me by whoever or whatever does the bestowing. Did I meet expectations? Did I blow it? Was it an interesting life?

After many minutes of consideration, I decided that we have all led interesting lives. All it takes is the right point of view to see this. The longer we live, the more interesting our past becomes. We end up with more material to work with.

moneythoughts said...

Years ago I saw on TV a movie about Picasso. He was working in his studio dressed in a pair of white boxer shorts, no shirt and wearing, I think, a pair of sandals. At the time, I think he was in his late 70's or early 80's. And, I said to myself, when I'm his age, I hope that is the way I will be. Picasso created and did his thing to the end. True, there were several women in his life, and we know now that they gave rise to much of his work. I agree with the women, society is much harder on them than men. My wife would say, women get old and men get distinguished looking. I think that says a lot about how society feels about older women. The part for men I resent is that by age 65, no one will take our application to work seriously. Companies say there is no age discrimination, but we all know that is a bunch of BS. As long as I have my mind and my body is well enough to help me produce my art, I think I can be content. I wish this for you Lou too.

hockeychic said...

Wonderful news about Ivy! That made my day.

Interesting what you wrote about aging. I was thinking a bit about this the other day, I was getting my haircut and my stylist always gives me the trashy mags to read while I'm waiting for my hair to dry, (I can't concentrate on a book with all that noise) so I was looking at Cosmo and the pictures of the hot men and I told her, "They look like children!" She said, "No, honey, we're just old." I don't feel old. I do struggle with the fact that if I wanted to change careers now or learn something different, it is a lot harder now that I've hit the magic "40" mark then if I wanted to do it 10 years ago. Doesn't mean I can't, it is just a lot harder.

Enjoyed reading this post.

Hyphen Mama said...

First... I am SO glad Ivy got her needed medication! I hadn't seen V's post yet and it was here that I first saw it and it made my day very first thing.

And I hate it when young people bitch about being 'old'. I really do. But I've noticed in the past few years that I'm out of the game. Benched. So I have to agree w/ Christy. I think women feel this at a much younger age because youth and beauty is all that's valued in this pop-culture society. I think if you aren't feeling it until you're in your 60's then you must be a rockstar.

I wonder if Donald Trump feels this way. I have a feeling the size of his *ahem* account makes a HUGE difference in his attraction to women.

Tash said...

Lou, you my friend will never be invisible!

But I understand where you're coming from. However, I also agree that it's worse for women. How many elderly men do you see with younger women? How many elderly women do you see with younger men? Seems men really do look more distinguished whereas women end up losing a fight with gravity and the looks that society mandates they retain in order to be beautiful.

Don't be too down Lou!

Melissa said...

Thanks for those insights. It gives me something to think about as my spouse is about to turn 40 and is having some of those thoughts as well.

LceeL said...

jientje: Okay. No more 'nevers'.

myst_72: Thank you. That means a lot.

shadow: And thank you, too. All men, of an age, feel this, I think. It's not anything we talk about - and maybe we should.

calicobebop: That's funny. I know women have it worse, in some respects - but this was never supposed to be a comparison between men and women and how they think and feel about getting old.

christy: You had to bring up farting, didn't you? And you know I love you.

employee: I think I'll do just that - I'm gonna have myself a nice day.

ayewonder: Mike, welcome to MY world.

myst_72: I don't know WHERE that guy came from - I'm just glad I caught them right away and was able to delete them.

And PATRICK - don't come here with your crap - if I have to come looking for you, you will NOT be a happy camper when I find you. And don't make the mistake of thinking you can hide.

LceeL said...

loraine: I don't deny that women feel it - and maybe even more- but women, at least, will talk about it. Men seldom do.

mrmacrum: By the time I have to hang up the roller skates I figure to have SOME resume to turn in to St. Peter. I'm not exactly sure I'm gettin' in, if you know what I mean.

moneythoughts: He had prodigious talent, and it was recognized. I doubt he ever had time to look over his shoulder.

hockeychic: The one thing about aging is that I appreciate a MUCH larger spectrum of women now. MUCH larger.

hyphen mama: Well, it sure ain't his hairdo.

tash: I'm so glad that you, at least, will never think me invisible.

melissa: Keep your eye on him. And be gentle when you catch him looking over his shoulder.

Sandy C. said...

Oh Lou *hugs* You will always matter. And I beg to differ on your impact on others. You've made more of an impact on my life, than men I've met in their 20's. Each stage in life presents new possibilities. I really do think that both men and women struggle with this throughout several points in their lives. And it is hard not to look back. Just don't forget to look around you now, because soon enough you'll be looking over your shoulder at what you had today. :)

Jientje said...

Dang!
Rock bottom.
My God, how I loathe this.

LceeL said...

Sandy C: That is sweet - so sweet. And it is a welcome boost to morale to know that I have had an impact, however minimal, in some way on you life.

Jintje: Hang in there girl. The only place to go is up.

Joyce-Anne said...

Sorry, I'm late today. But, my day was busy. Let me say I understand where you're coming from. There are days when I think I look great for a woman my age and then there are days I don't. I guess it's only natural to have certain feelings - part of being human. I try to follow this "motto"-- enjoy where you've been, where you are and where you're going.

abritdifferent said...

Well Lou, you have one from me to. enjoy it!

abritdifferent said...

Btw, you matter to me. We all need people for varying reasons and I am glad to have found you through NaBloPoMo last November.

Holly at Tropic of Mom said...

Congrats on your award!

I signed the petition because of you.

What about the wisdom that you gain as you get older? I don't see how you can really get old as long as you keep your mind sharp -- which evidently, you are doing.

Shý said...

wow you did it! Congratulation!!!

Theresa said...

During his fabulous speech at my wedding last year, my dad said that he knew that this was probably the last time he would have everybody's attention, so he was GOING to make the best of it. This post reminded me of that. And that he always loved when my girlfriends came over (as young pretty 20-something-year olds). And that he always called himself a dirty old man. hehehehe.

My dad will never be invisible to me. You will never be invisible.

Nan said...

So sorry I am late for your birthday!! But I did send a present after all. And didn't you know that old guys are even more desirable? I mean, you never heard of a woman referred to as "Distinguished".

warriorwoman said...

But doesn't the vigor of youth and the women chasing give way to a comfortable life with the wife?

Why so sad for what you've already lived?

Eve Grey said...

That was interesting to read Lou. I'm pretty sure women feel like that as they age too. Although I think women tend to be more attracted to guys closer to their age whereas perhaps men don't subscribe to this quite as much. (:
I had a dream about you last night! the details are fuzzy but i was somewhere random and i found out you were there too. You walked by me and didn't see me and then i called your name and you turned and then..i woke up! it was cool. I only had one other blogger in my dream before!

LceeL said...

Joyce-Anne: Sorry you're late? Never apologize here - there is no need.

abritdifferent: Thank you, Siobhan. I'm glad, too.

holly ATOM: I did my job! You signed. Thank you, so much.

shy: No, Shy, Eleven Hundred people did it.

theresa: If you are the way you are because of him, in any way, then I'd like to shake his hand.

nan: Distingished? I'll take your word for it - as an 'old guy' in the making, I'll let you know if anyone finds me 'even more desirable'.

Warriorwoman: It isn't about that - it's knowing that the possibilities have changed -- and are diminished.

Eve Grey: I feel privileged to have been in your dream. Be sure to let me know if I get past first base in any subsequent dreamy adventures.

Patsy said...

Lou -- I'm back from the Caribbean, waiting for a hurricane and getting caught up on the blog scene. I'm happy to see that little Ivy will get her treatment. It feels good to have had a very small part in making it happen. You have had a lot of comments on the meloncholy part of the blog ---I think we all feel it at times. I was just about to write something along those line myself. It is hard to take when you realize you aren't the young hot thing that everyone is flirting with any longer. Maybe one shouldn't party with a group of 20 somethings when they are closer to 60 than 50. :)
I look forward to reading the answers to all the questions you are being asked --- See, not only do I read you, I read everyone who comments to you.
Hope you are feeling happier --- And you should have 40 or 50 bling awards --- you make a lot of peoples day. Mine especially. :)

Patsy said...

Lou, may I quote your first paragraph about your melancholy discovery? It actually was the inspiration for my 100 Words on twist. Or would you prefer me to just link back to you without the quote? Which I will do either way.

I'm at rpbain@att.net. Thanks P