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5/31/2012

Sometimes I wonder ...


... what it is that drives some people.  I'm going to be vague, here, because I must.  So if you're going to be bothered by a lack of clarity, perhaps you should come back tomorrow, for Haiku.

I see this happen all the time.  A marriage breaks up.  People who once loved each other, enough to commit to spending their lives together, enough to bring children into the world together, will learn to hate each other.  Will learn to do terrible things to each other in the name of that hatred.

Sometimes it isn't both sides.  Sometimes it's only one side - but the hate and the spiteful stuff is there - one being evil, and one suffering.

And sometimes kids are put right in the middle.

And at one time, these people will have been in love with each other.

I wonder just what it is that happens.  I wonder why.  And I have no answers.

Ndinombethe.

7 comments:

Audrey said...

It's happened to me twice, but I still don't have the answers, outside of perhaps being way too young, and knowing absolutely everything about nothing. Then you throw in the death of a 2 year old, and that doesn't help either. Well, that and I suppose the shot-gun at the alter, the first time around, wasn't exactly a good omen.

Even now, almost 17 years after that divorce, the hate and spite is still there, less so on my side than his. It's taken me a very long time to let it go. Sadly. There was a cost to not letting it go sooner, and that cost involved my older children.

I do know we weren't ever in love. I think we were both too young and completely out of our depth to even know what that meant.

My marriage now? Night and Day between my first and this one. There is a deep, mutual, respect that is there, and a friendship. Neither of those were present in my first marriage. I make it a point to care for this marriage, nurture the deep love and respect I have for this man. This nurturing is mutual. Maybe that's the difference?

At the end of the day, it's heartbreaking to see what was once something no one ever thought could or would come to an end, do just that.

Tara R. said...

I have wondered the same thing many times. So very tragic for the children.

barbara said...

ah, Lou, you ask a very relevant question. Sadly I have no good answers. I teach about the effects of domestic violence on children - but I can't give solutions. :(

Big Mark 243 said...

It isn't that there are no answers but that there are so many. Each individual situation has its own problems, which is why Tolstoy's line from "Anna Karenina" is appropriate a description of "why" it happens.

Happy is the same, no matter the culture or language. Sadness, grief, disappointment, is different.

That is the best explanation of what takes place in the minds of people when they are unhappy in their lives I can come up with.

PattiKen said...

I've been there too. Audrey said it with these words:

"...being way too young, and knowing absolutely everything about nothing."

People marry for all sorts of reasons. I'm guessing that real love may be among the least of them.

PattiKen said...

P.S. Thank you for taking that horrible word verification off. This is a much better way for the old folks.

Life with Kaishon said...

It is so sad to watch. I feel terrible for the children. I know it will change their lives forever.