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10/15/2011

Dangerous


I was out yesterday evening with several bright, vivacious women. Upon reflection, I am reminded of a post from a couple of years ago, an excerpt of which I have pasted in, below.

This post is for someone I tried to explain things to, and failed. Maybe this will help that person understand.

I think I've made a discovery - a rather melancholy discovery, but a discovery nonetheless. And it has to do with possibilities. And it has to do with how men age. Mentally. You see, we don't feel much different than we did when we were kids. If it wasn't for the changing face in the mirror, we would never be aware of aging, inside, in our heads. The body knows, but not the mind. Until one day ... one day you see it ... and it comes on you slowly .. but once you see the beginnings of it ... it never leaves you, it just grows. And then you come to the full blown realization .. that there are some things that are over .. important things ... things you never thought about, consciously, until now .. now that they are over.

When a young man sees a woman, a beautiful woman, a desireable woman, a young woman, in his mind he sees himself with her - he sees the possibility of being with her - because it IS possible, all it needs are the right circumstances - the right chain of events and she could be his - and he, hers. But comes a time, when a man comes to know that the young, beautiful women are beyond him, that there is no more possibility, that they will never be his, nor he, their's. They would have no interest in him any longer - other, younger men are their interest - he is beyond them and they beyond him. But, it isn't the fact that he is off the radar of the younger woman. It's the fact that there has been a sea change in his world of possibilities. He's beginning to realize he doesn't matter as much, anymore. He doesn't make the impact that he once did. It is a cold and hard realization. All the confidence and self-esteem that used to be his begins to wane. He begins to understand what lies ahead. He may try to fight it. He may try to delay it. But it WILL overtake him. He will see and begin his descent into aged invisibility. No matter what his life holds for him - no matter what his circumstances, he will always look back, over his shoulder, to what he used to be, and wish for that to come again - knowing it never will.

To the extent that I should be able to grow old gracefully - without the tug of memory forcing me to look back over my shoulder at what used to be - blogging causes me a certain melancholy, at times. But how empty would certain aspects of my life be without it?

Ndinombethe. Truly, "as I go, I am wearing you."

9 comments:

Nan Sheppard said...

I love that I can go back and read posts (mine, yours, everyone's) from way back and see how life changes.

You're still a handsome guy though Lou! And men are lucky... older women are 'older' than older men.

Big Mark 243 said...

... I wish it wasn't 3:00 while I am trying to blog... but I WILL be back tomorrow to tell you how I feel about this very subject..!

Big Mark 243 said...

... and this is why my siblings enjoyed pouncing on me whenever they caught me taking a nap..!

I understand where you are coming from and I agree for the most part that men age differently than women and that a man's age is related to his vitality and how he affects life as opposed to time's effect on him.

It is when he is no longer one of the top picks at the pick-up basketball game at the local park or recreation center... or when the after-five crowd at work stops asking if he would like to quaff beer on Friday nights... and most definitely when he realizes the last time his wedding ring either 'grew heavy' or 'glowed' because he could feel the gaze of a young woman's voice and he recognized her tone and the glint in her eyes as possibility, was a long time ago (even if he wasn't going to 'do' anything and he knew it, still, it feels good to know that he hasn't 'lost it'...)...

Finally, he sees that life has finally caught up to him and mortality is closer to him than the vivaciousness of his younger years...

...but... that... isn't... me...

Without exception, object mon desir has always 'aged' along with me. For me, my admirers at the gym are noticeable to me only BECAUSE they have the sign of having lived and when I steal glance at their bodies, I don't expect to 'see' what I did when I was a twenty-something...

... I look and I see what I expect to as a 40-something... 'forever young' is not a concept that would have one forever youthful, at least not to me, but one that would that would accept the passing of time and still be able to generate the spark of youthful indiscretion and the exuberance of a time long gone and by...

I have always thought that 'where I come from' in that I was socialized without having to deal with groupthink allowed me to form this ideal within me... and I am good with things... what do I worry about..? Well, the young lady who 'aged me out' earlier this year was an example of the kind of 'youth' I hope to avoid...

Why would I, I wonder, want for a 'younger' woman who is still struggling to define herself, her superficial beauty defined by her inexperience at life and love..?

Being with someone 'age appropriate', while is no less confounding, which makes dealing with the late 30's and early 50's (cause a few of them are checkin' a brother out, don't you know) is enough 'youth' for me..!

I think that I won't feel my age until I don't 'feel' much of anything anymore, if you can feel what I am saying..!

Kat said...

Age is but a number and mind set. I seem to recall having plenty of conversations that were 12 year old worthy! lol

Have Myelin? said...

Here's a woman's perspective. My EX was 12 years younger than me and my now boyfriend is 2 years older.

Peter Pan is not attractive when HIS kids are running around amok and he's playing video games, guitar hero and expects you (me) to not notice the grass is 3 feet tall. I don't miss him at all.

I wouldn't miss the the young toddler women lol but look harder at your peers or even those older... YUM.... they probably know why those bikes you restore are so damn sexy don't ya think?

Grandmother said...

I was thinking that this applies to women as well because at a certain point young men stop noticing us. But men my age don't so what's the problem? And I certainly don't find them invisible. They're the ones I have more in common with anyway. They have more maturity, life experience, and just plain awareness. As a result, they're more interesting, attractive and sexy.

Tara R. said...

Perhaps you're looking at this from the wrong perspective. Women of a certain age also have to finally admit we aren't the vivacious vixens we once were. But, we still find mature, gentlemanly men attractive and desirable.

Lance said...

Don't be so hard on yourself. I just turned 41. The mirror is kicking my ass every day. I kick it back. Grace isn't just for women.

Cool to find posts that mean something more later...good post

PattiKen said...

Hey, guys, get a grip. There isn't one word of this that doesn't apply to women as they age as much as to men. And I agree with Nan. Older women are "older," somehow.

The key for both older men and older women is to remember that the opposite sex sees a good mind and a good sense of humor as sexy, no matter what the age. None of us should let our waning sense of confidence cause us to lose sight of what made us appealing in the first place.