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Inside was warm and quiet and the people were nice.
Outside was noisy and confusing and she didn't know her way.
Inside was familiar and everything was in its place.
Outside was where she was supposed to be.
Inside was where she needed to be.
The Doctor wanted her to go outside.
Her voices wanted her to stay inside.
The Doctor said the voices were bad.
The Doctor said to leave the voices behind.
The Doctor said it would be easy.
All she had to do, was walk through that doorway.
Easy.
Snatches of songs and sayings run through my head - I am feeling strange - and strangely philosophical. I want to say I am empty and ask you to fill me up - as if you were the hose delivering the fuel I need to run my soul. But that, of course, is silly and you aren't in the mood for silly, are you? Or weird or strange? But I seem to be.
So much to say. So much to do. So little said or done.
Ndinombethe.
21 comments:
No matter what mood you're in, I always love what you write.
Reading your words fuels my soul in the morning, I thank you for that...
Now ...
Breathe.
Enjoy what you do.
And try not to think of how much and what else needs to be done.
It' ll get done.
In due time?
The energy will come back.
It always does.
It's more or less guaranteed that if a doctor has to tell you to do something, there isn't anything easy about it. The mind is a tricky beast. Fascinating...and tricky.
Oh, and you're not really asking us to hose you down with flammable liquids are you? Oh, I see, it was metaphor.
;P Sorry, I'm feeling punchy. Too much Flo.
For anyone that has had direct or indirect experience with mental illness, what you wrote holds a great deal of weight. Crossing over from the place of mental illness and through the doorway to a healthier life is not easy. Whether you realized what you wrote could be read this way, I don't know, but what you wrote spoke volumes.
Such depth and beauty... very nourishing!
I love it!
well written
And.. Happy New Year!
This makes me think about what is running through my son's mind. It's not easy.
'There's a light on in the attic.
Though the house is dark and shuttered,
I can see a flickerin' flutter,
And I know what it's about.
There's a light on in the attic.
I can see it from the outside,
And I know you're on the inside.... lookin' out."
S. Silverstein
So simple and so complicated. Beautifully written.
Shoot me an email regarding what you're thinking in terms of a template if you'd like! honeybell001[at]gmail[dot]com.
I read that beautiful piece about ten times and I have nothing to say, just nodding my head in agreement.
I don't think it is silly to ask someone to fill you up, that is what we should do for each other, always.
I want to know, did she stay or go? Is it wrong that I feel this way, sometimes, not in the clinical sense, just in the soul aching sort of way?
Going through a door is never easy. No one (or at least no one in my realm of experience) likes stepping outside their comfort zone. There has to be strong compelling reason to leave the familar comfort we build for ourselves.
Wonderful piece -- as always. Your mind amazes me -- Then to read how you feel -- empty needing feeled -- Hmmmm I think you are still reeling from reaching a goal successfully but can't quite let go of the sense of having too. That is how I felt when I first retire. I couldn't decided what to do with all the free time I had -- Oh, I had lots of things to do, but I missed the structure that had always been in my life.
You will find the peace and rhythm soon enough.
Be well.
I do love your writing. Like ConverseMomma, I think we should always build one another up not tear them down (or rip them to shreads). It's also possible to help fill a void when a person is low or just needs a little boost.
Remember your trip to Trinidad is around the corner. Maybe the thought of that will cheer ypu (or fill you up) a little. :)
That doorway. It yawns like a mouth with sharp teeth sometimes. Other times, it's like open arms...waiting to hug.
I like your weird philosophical silly strange moods.
I really like these 100 words.
Well done. I think so many people could connect to this piece on some level. Taking the initial steps towards unfamiliar territory is always so tough. You've captured it like a crossroads so well in this doorway piece.
Hi Lou,
I get it. She’s an Agoraphobic. I can relate! I’d never go out if I didn’t have to. Can’t stand it out there, most days.
Big hugs,
Vikki
"I want to say I am empty and ask you to fill me up". Me too! A million times... ME TOO!
Always in the mood for silly or strange. :) I loved this. Just perfect.
this is absolutely perfect. but easy????? you gotta be kinding me. the voices are way louder and stronger sometimes and you wouldn't be able to nudge me any closer to the door. until i'm ready that is.
Jientje: I'm sure the energy will come back. But what will it look like when it does?
Velvet Verbosity: You're right. The Doctor's instructions are easy for him - not necessarily for the patient.
Moneythoughts: I knew exactly what I was writing. The 'doorway' - is it physical, or is it a metaphor?
Disturbed Stranger: Happy New Year to you, as well. So nice to have you back.
Tara R: I'm sorry. I know it isn't easy. It isn't easy being that person on the inside .. lookin' out, either.
Honeybell: Thank you, Honeybell. For both.
Huckdoll: Thank you, ma'am. High praise.
ConverseMomma: No, it isn't wrong, at all. It's something we all share, one way or another, from time to time. It's what we do with it that makes us who we are.
Patsy: Thank you, Patsy. I feel the peace and the rhythm coming, I do.
Joyce-Anne: Ya, mon. De trip be comin'.
Ree: And how do you know which is which?
Julie: Thank you, Julie. They ARE fun - they stretch the mind.
Momisodes: So many turn away. It's a hard place to be.
Redchair: Big hugs to you too, Vikki. If I lived near you I'd get you out every day.
Hyphen Mama: You fill me, Hyphen. You do.
Maggie's Mind: Thank you, Maggie. I appreciate your appreciation.
Shadow: I had thought to make that last word "outside", because I was afraid that the sarcasm of "easy" might be lost in so short a piece. But the last word IS sarcastic.
I always love your take on the 100 word challenges...no matter what mood you are in.
I really love your writing, Lou. I really love your new blog design, too.
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