/**/
11/18/2010

Melancholy, sometimes



It's Thursday, and there's no 'Challenge' to write - no prompt issued, yet, to inspire 100 words of charm and/or wit.

It's thrown me off a bit. My expectations are suddenly not relevant and that which I had been planning for has not materialized.

I am postless.

I feel like Santa caught in his underwear.

Then again, I have no idea why Santa would BE in his underwear. Let's not go there.

We're creeping up on the holidays. It's been tough around here for the last few years during the holidays. LM's dad died on Dec. 2nd, '07. In November of the following year, LM's mom had a major stroke that almost killed her. She's in a home now, not far from here. But she can't be 'home', anymore.

Underlying all of that is December 10th. On that day, in 1980, LM and I had a stillborn girl. Her name would have been Sarah Katherine. She was 11 pounds. She was 3 weeks late. And the umbilical cord was trapped over her shoulder as she descended into the birth canal and she died the day she was born. Before she was born.

She left a hole in our lives that has never filled in. A scar, if you will, that has never healed. And in recent years, that scar has been scratched by other late year sadnesses. Her Dad. Her Mom. So there is melancholy during the Holidays, sometimes, around here.

Just sometimes, mind you. Most of the time it's too busy and crazy around here for melancholy to rear its ugly head. It's just that this time of year ... it gets a little rough.

Ndinombethe.

8 comments:

Jientje said...

Must have been terrible. I just hope this year gets very busy and a little bit crazy, not sad ...

Nan Sheppard said...

:( you know what I would say... Gosh, my sister was born in 1980. Just this week Max was asking me about his 'other' big brother, and we were talking about how probably, Chas would not have been born if that baby boy had survived. Max was not sure if that was a good thing or not. ANOTHER big brother? A different big brother? It's strange how kids feel it too, a sibling they never knew.

November is a real month for melancholy, isn't it? You should read Michael Rosen's Sad Book, it's good for grownups too.

Bama Cheryl said...

Hugs and prayers to you and LM.

Kim - Mommycosm said...

Thanks for sharing that. I'm so sorry your family experienced such a loss.

It's good to hear from men though. Sometimes it feels like all the focus is on the women and men just don't talk about it.

Wish I could hug you both through the computer screen.

Miss Ash said...

Sending unending love your & LM's way.

Big Mark 243 said...

My heart breaks for you and LM's loss and I understand somewhat at the mixture of emotions that this time of year brings, without the falling darkness and the dying of the leaves.

This is some heavy stuff. Be well, and find solace in those who you love and love you as well. That should help.

L&R

Mark

Tracey - Just Another Mommy Blog said...

I'm sorry, Lou. I can only imagine how difficult it must still be. I can't imagine that it would ever NOT be on my mind...

Mrs4444 said...

How sad...That had to be very tough. I'll keep you and your family in my prayers this holiday season...