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10/03/2008

Now that it's done ....

I was going to write a Haiku, but I can't seem to get my head around it like I want to. I wanted to express this feeling I don't have - don't have. Completion.

I have completed something the likes of which I have never accomplished before in my life. I have written 12,000 words about a single subject. I know what I should be feeling, because I've felt it before. Like the time I rebuilt an Army surplus fork lift truck to like new condition, as a young man. Like the many times I've wrestled complex computer problems to the ground and walked away having 'danced with the bear' with a puffed up chest and a pressing need to tell somebody, anybody, all about it. Completion and an almost unbearable feeling of accomplishment.

I don't feel it.

I think, maybe, there's more to the story.

And I think it's called "Vigilante, The Sarah Pierce Story".

I have done a little test story and it works. It is subject to change, but I thought you might like a look at what I have started.

Here is the opening of Chapter One - The Gun

She walked into the little desert gun shop with no idea what it was she was looking for. She had a mission - just no idea how to do what she had in mind.

"Can I help you?"
"I hope so. I need to learn how to shoot. Can you recommend someone?"
"I think so. What are you looking to use? Handgun? Rifle? Long range? Close in?"
"I don't know. I suppose I probably want to keep as much distance as possible between me and my, uh, target? Yeah, target. I'm not exactly a hunter. I'm not going to be creeping up on anybody, uh, anyTHING."
"Well, then, you'll probably want a rifle. Something light and smaller caliber. High muzzle velocity."

Jake Bertrett was an ex-Marine who had been badly wounded on Guadalcanal. But the wounds inside his head were worse than the wounds on his body. They treated the wounds they could see. They denied the existence of the wounds they couldn't see. Jake Bertrett was an angry and bitter man. This little gunshop was all he had in the world. That and the collection of 'special' firearms he kept in the cellar, the arms he and his compatriots would use when the Uprising came, and the State of Nevada exerted its right of Sovereignty and seceded. The Sons Of Nevada would make sure her veterans were well cared for and tended to. The revenue from the casinos that were popping up all over the state would supply the money to take care of the vets. They'd see to that.

"How much is a rifle like that going to cost?"
"I don't know. Depends on the piece. Could be a couple hundred. Of course, the piece will depend on your ... target ... and your hunting ground."
"Okay. What about learning to shoot?"
"I'll teach you what you need to know. I've got a small range out back. And I was a sniper in the Corps. I can teach you alright. How much you willin' to pay to learn?"

She stared at him for a long moment, trying to size him up. Average height, very muscular build, head shaved and scarring visible on his arms and hands. But his clear blue eyes held pain - and there was a haunted look there, that she had seen in other people, other vets, those that had seen seen, and done, terrible things during the war. She didn't know why, but she knew, instinctively, that this was a man she could trust.


There's more. And as I said, it's subject to revision. Truth be told, I've revised this since I put this post together. The idea is percolating and I think I feel it. I don't know how the whole thing is going to work, yet. But then, I didn't know with The Kid, either.

And he turned out o.k., right?

27 comments:

Jientje said...

What a great idea, there is room for so much more in his story, and we all know you can write! I'm glad your muze finally did come up with a golden idea, all this partying of hers was not for nothing!

Eric S. said...

Dam I'm so glad you decided to try this. Lou you have the story in you, all you have to do is let it flow. You have proved that time and again.

This is a wonderful story, and I'm already picturing your possibilities. Please continue and when your done, I'm going to be selfish here, I hope you don't feel like its completed. This way you'll continue from some other aspect, all to your fans delight.

Shadow said...

ooooh, i believe the bug has bitten. good and solid. i like this spin-off. and if it feels right to you, GO FOR IT. i'd certainly follow this story. i like your stories! very very much!

Hyphen Mama said...

I wonder if (intuitively) you've been feeling your readers' yearning for more, also.

I love this new story. You've done such a good job of developing Sarah that now we long to know her.

Let her out!!

warriorwoman said...

Nevada is going to come under attack?
What year is the story written in Lou?

warriorwoman said...

I just finished reading all the posts I missed over the past week and now this entry makes sense to me.

Laters........

Tash said...

He turned out better than alright! Think these'll be great characters for you to develop, especially Jake.

Can't wait to see where it goes... let it percolate :)

Christy said...

You've got the fire under you......the creative fire.

It's fascinating to watch you fan it....

Good for you!

www.ayewonder.com said...

Me? I'd go back and develop her relationship with the Kid. I can't see her being nearly as interesting. But that's just me.

Employee No. 3699 said...

You are incredible. We've just finished reading about The Kid yesterday, and here you are with something else. Lou, you know you're spoling us don't you?

Honeybell said...

Probably more excited about this than I should be.

Once it is all said and done, you should seriously consider submitting this for publication.

Jennifer said...

gimme gimme more!! :) this is good. can't wait to read more of it!! :)

:) have a great day!

xoxoxoxx

Joyce-Anne said...

Sigh. You always leave me wanting more...

Emily/Randomability said...

Ohhhh... I can't wait to read more!

Holly at Tropic of Mom said...

12,000 words, holy moley! I had no idea you'd written so much. Exploring the vigilante Sarah would be fun.

moneythoughts said...

I have nothing new to add, the people have spoken. I sure hope you are having fun because there are more a couple women out there that are.

Michael said...

I enjoyed it, it sorta grabbed me, i definately cant write 12000 words on one subject, i jump around too much, my brain wont stay still i certainly am calm though on the exterior

Michael said...

I enjoyed it, it sorta grabbed me, i definately cant write 12000 words on one subject, i jump around too much, my brain wont stay still i certainly am calm though on the exterior

Patsy said...

I'm very excited that you are undertaking this endevor... I think Sarah's story needs to be told and you are just the guy to do it.
For what it is worth I like how you have her starting and the new guy you have introduced. This should work well.
Write on dear friend, write on.

redchair said...

Well, I'm loving this and you gave me a description of him. Purrrrrfect!
Vikki

Veronica said...

Yes, The Kid turned out just fine.

It's a great time, when the story is churning and changing. When any path is possible. I love that time. And I don't know that I have actually felt "completion" regarding any of my stories since I was about 21 years old.

This has a nice feel. I keep picturing Sarah Palin in my head as your Sarah.

Momisodes said...

There is no doubt. The Kid turned out amazing, and that this story is ready to flourish, if you want it to. This certainly has great room to grow. You're a natural at this :)

Elizabeth said...

"The idea is percolating and I think I feel it."
The cup runneth over! Bring it on!

Lady Language said...

Wow, I admire your writing ability and think this is a superb idea. Go with it!

ConverseMomma said...

Why is she buying a gun? Why?
Where does it all come from, the hidden seed of a writer in me bows to the full-bloom writer that is you.

maggie's mind said...

Yay for one thing leading to another, and, yep, the Kid turned out OK. And then some. :)

Nicole said...

This is gonna be so good and I'm looking more than forward to it :)!!!